You could almost say it was the “feel good story of the year.” Assuming one could feel anything at all in last night’s gelid NFC Championship. It was the coldest football game in NFL history, with a wind-chill factor of -24 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s just insane!
What brilliant moron schedules a night game at Lambeau Field in January!? I mean, the field is nicknamed “The Frozen Tundra” and was home to the infamous “Ice Bowl”. What other evidence does one need to figure out that last night’s game should have been played at 2:00 in the afternoon? I think someone was playing a sick trick on both teams. Forget the teams though. I feel terrible for the fans. Every psycho who sat through that hellacious weather should be awarded a badge of honor.
Despite arctic temperatures, the game turned out to be a barnburner (pardon the cheesy cliché. I just wanted a nice juxtaposition to the frigid weather). As much as I wanted Brett Favre and the Packers to emerge victorious, I just felt so terrible for Lawrence Tynes (the Giants’ kicker) after he shanked two go-ahead kicks late in the game, that it was nice to see him split the uprights in overtime.
As bad as I felt for the guy, I couldn’t help but laugh as the Fox broadcast flooded my TV screen with slow-motion replays of Tynes getting chewed out on his return flight to the sideline after missing the first fourth quarter field goal. But I wasn’t cackling at Tynes’ misfortunes. No, I was rather amused with Coach Caughlin.
Did you see how wind-burned “Chap-face’s” cheeks were? Holy shnykies! His face looked more frozen than Mr. Freeze himself. Watching those replays over and over was the first time I’ve ever been excited about NOT owning an HD TV. I would hate to have seen those red-scrabbled cheeks in 1080p, and can only imagine the horror Lawrence Tynes felt as he approached “Chap-face” in person.
Seriously though, the NFC Championship game was a hard-fought battle between two classic teams that went down to the wire. It truly was a feel-good story; with Eli Manning emerging from his big brother’s shadow, Lawrence Tynes totally redeeming himself and Michael Strahan leading a stout defense after returning from retirement.
The New York Giants are now on their way to the Super Bowl, where they will try and tackle the undefeated New England Patriots. For a team that feeds on adversity and plays best with their backs to the wall, there’s not a better challenge than facing what could go down as the greatest team in NFL history.
Unless the Giants have anything to say about it.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Rapper's Delight
No way! You mean to tell me that 50 Cent uses steroids!? I always thought those were small Ethiopian children packed into his pectorals. Not actual human muscle mass. The man sure fooled me.
Now as for Mary J. Blidge and Wycelf Jean using “performance-enhancing drugs”, I truly was duped on that one. No wonder Wyclef has such pristine dreadlocks. That cheating bastard! To think I’ve spent the last five years rubbing cactus oil in my hair to no avail, when all I needed was a needle to the bum.
Seriously though (but not really), I’m totally confused as to the pertinence and potential impact of this news. First of all, I love how because of the incessant mentioning of steroids as “performance-enhancing drugs” in the sports world, they have now taken on this new title in every venue.
Will someone please tell me how steroids can enhance a rapper’s performance? Rumor has it that steroids shrink a man’s balls, in turn making his vocal chords vibrate more like Tweedy Bird than Isaac Hayes. Can you imagine 50 Cent boasting about how gangsta’ he is, sounding like a pre-pubescent school girl? Actually, that would be pretty damn funny. Maybe then I would actually buy his albums.
But I kid. The real reason these hip-hop icons are (apparently) popping/shooting up roids is because image is everything in American pop culture. Because we all know that a fat girl with talent gets nowhere in this country. You simply got to look good to be a pop star these days (and maybe have an inkling of talent). So that’s why the likes of 50 Cent, Wyclef, Mary J. and Timbaland have been accused of using steroids. They just want to look good.
So what? I say let them fuck up their hearts, livers, intestines and whatnot if they wish. If one can smoke a pack a day or drink a fifth a night, that person should be allowed to ruin their bodies in other ways too. And if you say that using steroids is an unfair way to build one’s body for publicity, how do you differentiate between popping roids and getting breast implants? It’s all about image.
The funniest thing that stood out to me though (in the article I read revealing this news) was how some people are predicting a backlash from fans.
Really? When was the last time one of 50 Cent’s fans gave a shit if he did something illegal? The whole foundation on which these rappers make money and accumulate fans is the exploitation of the gangsta’ lifestyle, which is rooted in illegal activity!
I can just see some impressionable teenager right now, saying, “OMG, 50 uses steroids! I can’t support him anymore. I mean, pimping hoes and slanging crack is one thing, but building unnatural amounts of muscle mass, now that’s where I draw the line!”
Please! This revelation that rappers are using steroids to enhance their physical image is non-news. If you thought 50 Cent was “all natural” in the first place, you’re an idiot. And if you think this news will shine a negative light on these rappers or the industry as a whole, you’re sadly mistaken. If T.I. can get busted for purchasing automatic weapons (and accompanying silencers) just hours before he’s supposed to perform in front of an audience of millions, and there’s no backlash, I doubt anyone will stop buying Timbaland’s records because he miraculously dropped 100 pounds without one receipt from Jenny Craig.
The only thing I’m worried about is that now stupid, naive teens will think it’s cool to start popping steroids. Think about it. Mixing steroids and unprotected sex…if this happens, I’m moving to Mars. Because even without a protective atmosphere surrounding the planet, my kids still won’t look as fucked up as a roid-baby.
*I realize this post is not directly related to sports, but due to the prevalence of steroid talk in sports media today, I figured it was worth discussing.
Now as for Mary J. Blidge and Wycelf Jean using “performance-enhancing drugs”, I truly was duped on that one. No wonder Wyclef has such pristine dreadlocks. That cheating bastard! To think I’ve spent the last five years rubbing cactus oil in my hair to no avail, when all I needed was a needle to the bum.
Seriously though (but not really), I’m totally confused as to the pertinence and potential impact of this news. First of all, I love how because of the incessant mentioning of steroids as “performance-enhancing drugs” in the sports world, they have now taken on this new title in every venue.
Will someone please tell me how steroids can enhance a rapper’s performance? Rumor has it that steroids shrink a man’s balls, in turn making his vocal chords vibrate more like Tweedy Bird than Isaac Hayes. Can you imagine 50 Cent boasting about how gangsta’ he is, sounding like a pre-pubescent school girl? Actually, that would be pretty damn funny. Maybe then I would actually buy his albums.
But I kid. The real reason these hip-hop icons are (apparently) popping/shooting up roids is because image is everything in American pop culture. Because we all know that a fat girl with talent gets nowhere in this country. You simply got to look good to be a pop star these days (and maybe have an inkling of talent). So that’s why the likes of 50 Cent, Wyclef, Mary J. and Timbaland have been accused of using steroids. They just want to look good.
So what? I say let them fuck up their hearts, livers, intestines and whatnot if they wish. If one can smoke a pack a day or drink a fifth a night, that person should be allowed to ruin their bodies in other ways too. And if you say that using steroids is an unfair way to build one’s body for publicity, how do you differentiate between popping roids and getting breast implants? It’s all about image.
The funniest thing that stood out to me though (in the article I read revealing this news) was how some people are predicting a backlash from fans.
Really? When was the last time one of 50 Cent’s fans gave a shit if he did something illegal? The whole foundation on which these rappers make money and accumulate fans is the exploitation of the gangsta’ lifestyle, which is rooted in illegal activity!
I can just see some impressionable teenager right now, saying, “OMG, 50 uses steroids! I can’t support him anymore. I mean, pimping hoes and slanging crack is one thing, but building unnatural amounts of muscle mass, now that’s where I draw the line!”
Please! This revelation that rappers are using steroids to enhance their physical image is non-news. If you thought 50 Cent was “all natural” in the first place, you’re an idiot. And if you think this news will shine a negative light on these rappers or the industry as a whole, you’re sadly mistaken. If T.I. can get busted for purchasing automatic weapons (and accompanying silencers) just hours before he’s supposed to perform in front of an audience of millions, and there’s no backlash, I doubt anyone will stop buying Timbaland’s records because he miraculously dropped 100 pounds without one receipt from Jenny Craig.
The only thing I’m worried about is that now stupid, naive teens will think it’s cool to start popping steroids. Think about it. Mixing steroids and unprotected sex…if this happens, I’m moving to Mars. Because even without a protective atmosphere surrounding the planet, my kids still won’t look as fucked up as a roid-baby.
*I realize this post is not directly related to sports, but due to the prevalence of steroid talk in sports media today, I figured it was worth discussing.
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